Is two kids easier than five kids?

My husband took 3 kids with him on a mission trip this week. You math wizards know that means I was left with 2 kids. Two! It takes more letters to spell it than there are children! I have that many hands! Do you know what that meant? I'll tell you what it meant.

It meant only counting to two at the park.
It meant we fit as the "extra" on a friend's museum membership.
It meant only brushing teeth for 4 minutes.
It meant only buckling 1/2 a carseat all week ("I buckle my top! I do it!")
It meant only finding 4 shoes before leaving.
It meant fewer than half of the fights.
It meant only 2-3 different requests for meals.
It meant bringing one sleeve of graham crackers and 1 container of blueberries as an entire snack.
It meant I could take them for ice cream and not spend over $10 OR lose my mind.
It meant driving my little car and not my minivan-mom-mobile.
It meant I could say, "You'll get the next turn," Every. Single. Time.
It meant that several times this week, they were both occupied and I could actually get things done.
It meant I only had to sweep once.
It meant 2 loads of laundry.
It meant I had the energy to cook and clean.
And, it meant I had less to do in order to cook and clean!

#3 got the special cone because it was $1.50 difference instead of $1.50 x 5!  And that face on #5? That pretty much describes how I felt all week. "Look at this! Two kids!" 

I'm not saying it was EASY, but it was definitely loads easiER. (It might not have been if I had been thinking about them growing up with just the two of them. I really love that they have 4 friends for the rest of their lives.) I still was exhausted at bedtime, still said, "Mommy can't take any more questions right now!," and still thought, "SERIOUSLY?!" at least once a day. Parenting is never easy, be it one or fourteen kids. 

So, I came up with this fabulous idea. It's not that two kids is easy. It's that two kids is easier when you're used to five kids.  So, how do you get that when you've only ever had a few kids? Read on.

Here's the deal. For a low, low price, (yet to be determined, but probably equal to two weeks of a hotel + meals for the hubs and I), you will spend two weeks at my house, and take care of my 5 kids. It must be two weeks because that is what is required for a good vacation you to fully reap the exhaustion benefits of having five kids! You will be responsible for (remember to take your usual workload for your number of kids and multiply it accordingly):

  • feeding them all healthy meals (which includes meal planning and grocery shopping - don't forget the wine!) (P.S. Every single one of them eats like a horse!), 
  • bathing them all daily 
  • making sure they're all buckled up correctly when you 
  • take them on multiple outings each week, 
  • brushing their teeth every night (just checking the oldest two! bonus!) - 2 min each!, 
  • refereeing fights, 
  • keeping a mental count of who's turn it is on video games, 
  • and when they have to stop playing,
  • letting them snuggle and climb on you, especially when you're trying to do something,
  • making sure they get enough time outside, despite outside temps in three digits everyday, 
  • reading to them (sometimes different stories for each one), 
  • trying to understand Pokemon and Minecraft, 
  • and carrying on endless conversations about them,
  • choosing movies that make everyone happy (ha! it's a trick! doesn't exist!)
  • and doing all their laundry 
After these two weeks, you will return to your own home, grateful for the lightened burden of however many kids you have! You're welcome! 

Who wants to sign up? Did I miss any of the requirements?